The Loneliness Epidemic
By Barbara Comito, NAOMI Development Director
“Loneliness is an agonizing hunger. It is particular, raw, churning. It’s more than a single loss but an ongoing death.” – Joon Park, author and hospital chaplain
In 2023, Surgeon Health General Dr. Vivek Murthy said that the United States had a loneliness epidemic and that, if we didn’t address it, the consequences would be dire: ”Lacking connection can increase the risk for premature death to levels comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” (Surgeon Health General advisory as reported in NPR)
Rockaway Beach, Oregon
Why Now?
While some of the increase in isolation can be attributed to the pandemic, Dr. Murthy’s report suggests loneliness surfaced as an issue decades earlier. “Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, about half of U.S. adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness.”
The Surgeon General’s report points to the dramatic pace of change in our society as part of the reason: “We move more, we change jobs more often, we are living with technology that has profoundly changed how we interact with each other and how we talk to each other.”
America’s long-held devotion to individualism must contribute to the problem. While other cultures often place a high value on community (consider the African word “ubuntu,” which roughly translates as “I am because we are”), Americans tend to prioritize individual achievement and the proverbial self-lifting bootstraps.
“To be human is to need other people.” – Adam Young
Richard Weissbourd, who directs the Make Caring Common Project, wrote the following in an article for Time magazine: “In America today, far too many of us are disconnected from each other, lonely, self-protective, or at each other’s throats. Sacrifice for the common good feels anachronistic.”
The Bootstraps Aren’t Real
No one wants to be seen as needy, but according to therapist and author Adam Young, it’s unavoidable. “To be human is to need other people,” Young said on episode 150 of his podcast: “Trauma Heals by Connecting with Others.”
On the same episode, he quotes Neuroscientist Stephen Porges: “Connection is a biological imperative. If you don’t have connection with other human beings, you will become a little less alive, a little less human, each day. Your body needs emotional connection with other people to flourish and to thrive.”
“Connection is a biological imperative.” – Neuroscientist Stephen Porges
We need each other, and that is especially true when it comes to healing.
“To be human is to be wounded,” Young says. “However, wounds heal naturally when the environment is right… and the right environment for healing is the empathic presence of another person. God made our brains and nervous systems to need one another.
“The opposite of trauma is not ‘no trauma.’ The opposite of trauma is connection.”
We get hurt in relationships. And, we heal in relationships.
At NAOMI, Relationships are the Priority.
Writing for Psychology Today, Dr. Adrian Fletcher agrees with Young: “Trauma heals in relationships – healthy relationships. Relationships where you are seen, heard, validated and respected. Ones where boundaries are upheld.” (“The Healing Power of Community and Connection”)
The experts seem to be in agreement: 1) loneliness is a serious problem; and 2) connection is the answer - both to loneliness and to healing from trauma. One of the Surgeon Health General’s recommendations to address the loneliness epidemic is to “cultivate a culture of connection.”
A culture of connection. That’s exactly what we’re creating at NAOMI for all the reasons listed throughout this blog: Because no one heals in a vacuum. Because we need each other. Because, even with therapy and resources, we still need a community, a sense of belonging, people who love us and want us to succeed. That’s how healing happens.
Malia came to NAOMI after years of therapy aimed at healing old wounds:
“The NAOMI Community has been a lifesaver! They offer various monthly groups helping women and their children learn healthy relationships and better lifestyles. Shante, Sarah, Trena, and Trista listen. They care. They WANT to help women thrive. Being part of NAOMI means getting to the root of your trauma that’s causing addiction, codependency, abuse, and homelessness. And it means you’re not alone. There’s a community of women walking the same path as you. If you’re ready to change yourself and the path you’ve been taking, reach out today. Open arms are waiting to greet you! Best decision I’ve ever made for myself and my kids!”
Adam Young is clear: “The single most important key to healing is connection… the attuned and caring presence of another human being.”
We hope you’ll partner with us to make this type of connection possible for women and children enduring trauma.
