Celebrate Women Doing the Hard Work of Healing from Trauma

“For the first time in my life, I truly understood why my life was the way it was. It was both freeing and terrifying, but the women at NAOMI never gave up on me. They came for me again and again.” – Myra*

Myra grew up as her mom’s number one helper: “I parented my siblings, listened to my mom’s problems, covered for her, lied for her, and basically gave up any kind of life of my own. She vented about her male relationships with me. I was at the mercy of her choices; that was my whole world growing up.”

While Myra felt needed and important, the parent-child relationship was upside down. She was attuned to her mom’s needs, but her mom was not attuned to hers. Myra learned that she was valued for what she could accomplish, for what she could do for others, and it became a difficult pattern to break.

“When I got older I was classified as an overachiever. I had several jobs that really benefited from the way I needed to fix everything and have everything perfect. I gave all of myself to my jobs, working long hours, never saying no when asked to cover other shifts even if that meant little to no sleep. I always did everything for others at the sake of my own needs. I could never quite understand why I HAD to say yes to everything, or why it felt like I might die if I couldn't help someone.”

*Name changed for privacy reasons.

Myra was a great friend to have. “People used me because I was always the person who would do what needed to be done. I would tell off the abusive boyfriend, pay money to get people out of jail, pay people's rent, let people stay with me, and I did a lot of embarrassing things.

“I had no boundaries and I let the chaos of people's life consume me and break me down. I was miserable and felt alone even though I was surrounded by so many people.”

Myra was surrounded by people who needed her, used her, benefitted from her, but didn’t see her. Her own needs were ignored…even by her.

“During this time my sister was involved with NAOMI. She saw me on the struggle bus and invited me to come to a growth group. I couldn't get enough of the group content. It was like for the first time in my life I truly understood why my life was the way it was. It was both freeing and terrifying.”

Myra learned about integration, differentiation and boundaries. She learned to stop and reflect, to think about her own needs – identifying them and meeting them. She learned that she was not responsible for everyone else’s problems or happiness. The world would not end if she said no.

“As I became aware of how I was contributing to my own suffering, I felt so ashamed and overwhelmed.”

Myra met one-on-one with a NAOMI support specialist. “She showed me grace for the first time in my life. She spoke truth over me when I was at my lowest place emotionally.

“I felt so uncomfortable experiencing this kindness that soon after I withdrew from the community and isolated myself. I was in a state of shutdown. My brain did not understand how to experience true care.”

This might sound backwards. Wouldn’t a woman who had never known true connection, true grace and tenderness, soak it up when it was offered? Not always. It can seem so foreign, so counter to everything she knew as “normal,” that it’s difficult to believe, difficult to trust.

“She showed me grace for the first time in my life. She spoke truth over me when I was at my lowest place emotionally.

“Over the next several months, NAOMI direct service staff and community members reached out to me. Not in a pushy or forceful way, but in a way that let me know I was safe and cared about. With their consistent checking in, I eventually was brave enough to re-engage and talk about my experience.”

At this point, Myra began to learn about trauma and its effects on the brain. “I learned how my brain's desire to protect myself was actually harming my ability to connect and build healthy relationships.”

A lifetime of patterns and behaviors didn’t change overnight. Myra has been involved with the NAOMI community for years now. In this safe space, she has had the opportunity to practice building healthy relationships and healthy boundaries.

Having support as she practiced doing life in a new way gave her the courage to become who she is today – a strong, resilient woman who is responsible for herself and her family and is cultivating goodness all around her.

“The women at NAOMI never gave up on me, they came for me again and again.”

In celebration of International Women’s Day, will you invest in women like Myra who are doing the hard work of connecting, reflecting, growing and healing from past trauma?