A woman comes to NAOMI because she is in pain due to past trauma. The first thing she needs is safety, the assurance that she will not be mocked or criticized or made to feel less than. In this safe, grace-filled space, she is free to connect with other women and build healthy relationships.

When she feels safe, seen, soothed and secure, she can begin to self-reflect.

Shante, NAOMI lead support specialist:

“I have seen the power of self-reflection, of listening deeply, of holding space for truth to emerge. When we take the time to truly see and hear each other, we begin to understand that change is possible. It happens when we choose to be uncomfortable, when we allow honesty, and when we stand together in the messy, beautiful work of growth.”

Reflection: The process of intentionally considering myself and how I connect with those around me by being honest about my inside and outside reality.

Inside Reality is what my body physically experiences and what I think, feel, need, believe and value.

Outside Reality is what I do, my choices, my actions and what is happening in my environment, circumstances, interactions with others and how others view me.

Reflecting is choosing to practice becoming aware of myself.

Awareness is knowing what is going on with me.

To reflect, then, means to intentionally consider what is happening inside our bodies physically, as well as in our thoughts, feelings and actions, in order to build awareness of self. Self-reflection leads us to understand our needs and beliefs.

Shante again: “It's because of this self-reflection process that I believe in our collective ability to create real, sustained change in this world. I experienced it in my own life. Through the small, powerful moments that shaped me, one conversation at a time, I gained the ability to self-reflect. I learned to pause before reacting, to welcome stillness instead of fearing it, and to sit with discomfort rather than pushing it away.

“In doing so, I gained clarity, aligned my choices with my values, and created wellbeing instead of constantly reacting to life’s challenges. This shift is not just about personal growth; it is about reclaiming power over our own lives.”

Most of us have learned to shut off the core of ourselves and view our experiences as happening outside of us, but they are first and foremost happening inside of us, in our bodies, thoughts and emotions.

This shutting off of self or “disassociating” is how our body and brain protect themselves and survive. Shutting ourselves down may have served us well in the past and protected us in moments when harm was happening. To thrive as healthy adults, however, we must learn to be aware of what is happening within us and around us – our thoughts, our feelings, our triggers.

Be curious about yourself.

Honest Reflection requires my willingness to be still and quiet on a daily basis. We tend to resist this quiet stillness because we fear what may surface.

Our tendency is to shame ourselves or attempt to fix whatever comes up. When I go to a place of shaming myself, I may move quickly to blaming someone else instead. While blaming someone else may provide immediate relief, it prevents me from becoming honest with myself about myself.

If, instead, I choose to use stillness to become curious about myself, then I am able to move into a healing mindset that asks: What does this mean? What can I learn? or even, What is the truth? Then, I ask myself curious questions and sit in the discomfort of honestly naming my inside and outside reality until I am in a place of better understanding myself.

Reflect with Others

Shante: “Self-reflection is strengthened in the presence of others who are also committed to awareness. I have seen women find deep healing and empowerment when they share their reflections with a trusted person, someone who listens, holds space, and shows up with them as they process their experience.”

Becoming aware of what is going on with me and learning about myself in the experiences that I have helps me to

Be connected with myself – my thoughts, feelings, needs and beliefs.
Build integration in my brain so that self-regulation is possible.
Understand how my past is showing up in my present so I can move forward.
Make conscious responses and choices that are consistent with my values.
Create wellbeing in my life by taking active steps to care for my needs.
Build relationships that are based on trust instead of using or being used.

Shante: “Change starts at NAOMI, it starts here with us, with the way we choose to show up for one another. This is where hope lives. In the willingness to engage, to reflect, to challenge and uplift. It is in these moments, these conversations, that we are actively shaping the world we believe in. And I believe in a world that is healing, growing, and becoming. It starts right now with a willingness to look within.”

Reflection Questions

Try it out. Sit with one or two of these questions. Jot down your thoughts.

What if you couldn't tell the difference between your feelings and someone else's?

What if you thought letting someone use you was love?

How would it feel to be invisible, to walk through life unheard, unseen, and without help?

When was the last time you felt truly safe and supported? What was that experience like?

Can you remember a moment when someone’s kindness changed your life? What was that experience like?

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